In a new development concerning Russia’s growing influence on U.S. social issues such as gun control, we have discovered that a new group is offering free AR-15 rifles. All an American citizen needs to do to get the free weapon is to request and take delivery of a mail-order bride.
As part of the Russian Bride Procurement Council (RBPC), a new project is underway to secretly supply free AR-15s to U.S. citizens. Called the “Red Dawn” project, top Russian officials are hoping to gain favor among skeptical Americans.
To qualify for the free rifles, with brand names like the Hillary-C and Bernie-S, participants must order a bride directly from the RBPC website. It’s a highly encrypted members-only site that ensures customer privacy.
To increase sales, the brides are not only former Russian playmates but are trained to use the AR-15. Each woman spends 5 hours with Sonja Itsascam, perfecting their aim at the Triggering Snowflakes training facility in Siberia.
The man behind the revolutionary idea, Nikolie Vadacrocksky, believes this is a service that angry white males especially will appreciate. “American men are mad, but women and guns make them happy,” said the Kremlin-linked businessman.
Suffice it to say, we were curious about how legal this type of program is. So, Vadacrocksky directed us to the law firm overseeing the project Idiocylev and Trollsky. According to Trollsky, they can make the offer because they aren’t selling guns.
“Red Dawn is providing a needed service to U.S. citizens,” the attorney said. “It’s not like we’re buying or selling Uranium. We are working with a very reputable U.S foundation that has experience dealing with Russian businesses.”
Right about now, you are probably thinking that we’ve lost our minds. Rest assured we haven’t.
Back to Reality
However, the same cannot be said about progressives who are now suggesting a connection between Russia and the NRA. While our story, obviously, is entirely fictional, the recent story from NPR is not.
But it’s far more delusional. Much like the notions that 13 Russians put Donald Trump in the White House or that 5.3 million NRA members are child murderers.
The fact is, it’s become way too easy for left-wing media to make something out of nothing. For example, they throw Russia into the mix anytime there is a subject they know will rile their masses.
First, it was the election, now it’s the gun control debate. It’s a ploy and a bad one to boot.
The only people influencing Trump supporters are the liberal politicians that care more about illegals, terrorists, and refugees than they do about Americans and the Constitution. That’s as real as gets.
Disclaimer: The majority of this story is satire.