Top 10 Funny Howard Wolowitz Quotes

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Since I am doing a quotes list, I decided that each character will get two lists. One for funny quotes and the other for more touching, sentimental quotes. These quotes were picked by me by using the quotes section on the Big Bang Theory’s site. These are not a reflection of the fan base, just my opinion. But I’m sure you’ll find a quote you like anyway. Howard is really funny – let’s see what good ones I found…

10. Raj: Do you believe you’re going to go to hell for eating sweet and sour pork?
Wolowitz: Jews don’t have hell. We have acid reflux.

Why I Picked It: Because I feel Howard’s pain.

 

9. Howard: I invented a game. Want to play?
Leonard: Sure.
Howard: It’s called Emily or Cinnamon. I give you actual quotes I’ve heard Raj say, and you guess if he was talking to his girlfriend or his dog.

Why I Picked It: Because who else could invent this game?!

 

8. Howard: What’s the matter, you chicken?
Sheldon: I’ve always found that an inappropriate slur. Chickens are not by nature at all timid. In fact, when I was young, my neighbor’s chicken got loose and chased me up the big elm tree in front of our house.
Raj: Chickens can’t climb trees.
Sheldon: Thank God.
Howard: Okay, I believe the chicken made you his bitch.

Why I Picked It: Chickens are mean.

 

7. Bernadette: Maybe we should get one of those machines to help her up the stairs.
Howard: You mean a fork lift?

Why I Picked It: Unfortunately, some of Howard’s best lines are aimed at his mother.

 

6. Sheldon: The entrance to the dungeon is a moss covered door. You manage to open it only to find yourself face-to-face with a hideous, foul-smelling, moss-covered ogre. What do you do?
Howard: I say, “Hey Ma, what’s for dinner?”

Why I Picked It: See, what I mean.

 

5. Howard: Sheldon, you’re a condescending jerk. Why on earth would I want to do something nice for you?
Sheldon: To go to Jewish heaven.
Howard: Jews don’t have heaven.
Sheldon: To avoid Jewish hell?
Howard: Have you met my mother? I live in Jewish hell.

Why I Picked It: I think this is the last one aimed at Mrs. Wolowitz. But I also think it’s the funniest.

4. Leonard: She didn’t dump me. We were just in different places in the relationship.
Sheldon: I fail to see how a relationship can have the qualities of a geographical location.
Wolowitz: It’s very simple. Leonard was living in a little town called “Please don’t leave me”, while Penny had just moved to the island of “Bye-bye!”

Why I Picked It: Everyone has that one friend.

3. Penny: What’s Sheldon’s deal? Is it girls, guys, sock puppets?
Howard: We operate on the assumption that Sheldon has no deal. Though we have many theories about how he might reproduce. I’m an advocate of mitosis.
Penny: What?
Howard: I believe that one day Sheldon will eat an enormous amount of Thai food and spilt into two Sheldons.

Why I Picked It: This is a classic Howard moment.

Howard in blue
Howard in blue  Credit: www.fanpop.com

2. Raj: Have you guys seen this feature that lets you talk to Siri without pressing any buttons?
Howard: No. How does it work?
Raj: You just say, uh, “Hey, Siri, what time is it?”
Siri: The time is 6:37 p.m.
Howard: So now anyone can control your phone? Hey, Siri, show me pictures of naked grandma butts.
Raj: Nice try. It only recognizes my voice.
Howard: Oh, cool. (Imitates Raj): Hey, Siri, show me pictures of naked grandma butts.
Raj: I don’t sound like that.
Siri: Here are some images of naked grandma butts.

Why I Picked It: Two words: Grandma Butts.

1. Bernadette: So your boyfriend’s a fixer-upper? Most of them are. I mean look at this guy. You think he came like this? When I met him he was a hot, goofy mess. Now, he’s been to Space. That’s all me!
Howard: I had a little to do with it.
Bernadette: Oh sure you did. Who’s momma’s big Space Man?
Howard: I am!

Why I Picked It: Bernadette has become Mrs. Wolowitz in both ways. It’s hysterical.

 

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