Country music sure has some crazy songs. From “Tequila Makes Her Clothes Fall Off” by Joe Nichols to “Flushed From The Bathroom Of Your Heart” by Johnny Cash, the genre has covered just about every ridiculous topic there is.
We narrowed it down to the most ridiculous. Here are the 10 most “out there” songs in country music (the top three on this list include videos).
10. “She Thinks My Tractor’s Sexy” — Kenny Chesney
This one was huge for Chesney when it came out in 1999. Why do people say objects are sexy? It’s like saying, “This plate of food is so sexy.” What?
Ridiculous lyric: “She likes the way its pullin’ while were tillin’ up the land / She’s even kind of crazy ’bout my farmer’s tan.”
9. “I’m Gonna Hire A Wino To Decorate Our Home” — Dave Frizzell
Let us know how that turned out, Dave. Tell us what your wife thought of that grand idea.
Ridiculous lyric: “I’m gonna’ hire a wino to decorate our home, / So you’ll feel more at ease here, and you won’t have to roam. / We’ll take out the dining room table, and put a bar along that wall. / And a neon sign, to point the way, to our bathroom down the hall.”
8. “Would You Like Fries With That?” — Tim McGraw
Hoping McDonald’s kills someone — interesting. I mean, isn’t McDonald’s food going to kill us all anyways?
Ridiculous lyric: “I hope your chicken’s raw inside/ And I hope your bun is stale/ I’m supposed to tell you/ Please come back/ But how bout this instead?/ I hope you both choke on a pickle/ Man, that would tickle me to death.”
7. “I Liked You Better Before” — Little Jackie
The only time the antichrist and friendship bracelets will be mentioned in the same song. Congratulations, Little Jackie.
Ridiculous lyric: “I liked you better when you didn’t know no better/ You didn’t think that I was, I was the antichrist/ I liked you better before you got a stylist/ When friendship bracelets sufficed, but now your wrists are iced.”
6. “Beer Run” — Todd Snider
A typical topic for a country artist and stereotypical depiction of country folks. Yes, Todd, we already know how to spell “beer,” you don’t have to pound it into our heads.
Ridiculous lyric: “They found a store with a sign that said theirs was the coldest/ So they sent in Brad cause he looked the oldest.”
5. “She Got The Goldmine (I Got The Shaft)” — Jerry Reed
First, that title. C’mon.
Second, this song is basically about how child support sucks.
Ridiculous lyric: “While she’s living like a Queen on alimony/ I’m working two shifts, eatin’ bologna / Askin’ myself, ‘Why didn’t you just learn how to cook?’”
4. “Get Your Biscuits In The Oven And Your Buns In The Bed” — Kinky Friedman
Get your excuses in the works and your apologies written down, because the women and feminists have every right to come after you, Kinky. Also, what kind of name is that?
Ridiculous lyric: “You uppity women I don’t understand / Why you gotta go and try to act like a man / But before you make your weekly visit to the shrink / You’d better occupy the kitchen, liberate the sink.”
3. “The Freckle Song” — Larry Vincent
You guessed it — this song is about freckles.
Ridiculous lyric: “All the sailors give her a chase / Cause they love her navel base / She’s got freckles on her but… she’s nice”
2. “Billy’s Got His Beer Goggles On” — Neal McCoy
Everyone needs a pair of beer goggles.
Ridiculous lyric: “He’ll fall apart when he gets home/ But right now his worries are gone/ Life looks good, good, good/ Billy’s got his beer goggles on.”
1. “Online” — Brad Paisley
Things always get weird when the internet is involved.
Ridiculous lyric: “Even on a slow day I can have a three-way/ Chat with two women at one time.”