Flashback: Sheldon Cooper Quotes About The Ever-Looming Coitus


Sheldon and Coitus

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Sheldon’s relationship with physical displays of affection has come a long way since Season 1. He used to flinch at the idea of holding hands, but now it seems Sheldon and Amy can’t keep their hands off each other. There’s nothing funnier than hearing Sheldon talk about coitus; so here are 10 Sheldon Cooper quotes about doing the deed…

He Understands Penny Can’t Help It

Sheldon: Hello, Penny. I realize you’re currently at the mercy of your primitive biological urges, but as you have an entire lifetime of poor decisions ahead of you, may I interrupt this one?

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He Realized Coitus Has Quite An Affect On People

Sheldon: Interesting. Sex works even better than chocolate to modify behavior. I wonder if anyone else has stumbled onto this?

He Thinks It Takes A Lot Of Effort

Sheldon: It seems like an awful lot of trouble to go through for intercourse. Don’t you have access to women that will do it for money?

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He Just Wants A Heads Up

Sheldon: I’m here because you violated our roommate agreement, specifically Section Eight, ‘Visitors’, sub-section C, ‘Females’, Paragraph 4, ‘Coitus’. Roommates shall give each other twelve hours’ notice of impending coitus.

He Has Better Things To Do

Sheldon: While my brother was getting an STD, I was getting a PhD.

He Talks About Coitus When He Doesn’t Mean To

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Sheldon: You mess with the bull, you get the horns. I’m about to show this guy just how horny I can be.

He’s Not A Fan Of PDA

Sheldon: At the Christmas tree lot, there was mistletoe, and she kissed me under it in public. Like we were the stars of a Tijuana sex show.

He’s Got Great Euphemisms Other Than Coitus

Amy: What’s going on?
Sheldon: What’s going on is we’re about to go to a prom. And there’s a great deal of pressure on young couples like us to engage in what Mr. Bob Eubanks called making whoopee.

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When He Anticipated Prom

Penny: Here’s a question– as an alien pretending to be human, are you planning to engage in any post-prom mating rituals with Amy?
Sheldon: There are post-prom mating rituals?
Penny: Not always. Unless your date drives a van with an air mattress, then always.
Sheldon: Well, if it’s part of the prom experience, then I’m open to it.
Penny: You’re kidding.
Sheldon: I may be an alien, but I have urges.If Amy wants to copulate by firing her eggs into space, well, then, I will happily catch them with the reproductive sac on my upper flermin. I’m not the best at reading facial cues, but I can see that you’re a little turned on.

Amy Takes The Cake

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Sheldon: I have some odd freckles on my buttocks. Can I make an appointment for you to look at them?
Emily: Um… okay, I guess.
Amy: I’m with him three years, nothing. She’s with two minutes, and he’s taking his pants off.

What are your favorite Sheldon Cooper quotes?